that is it for tonight. check in with "gma" tomorrow, they'll have the very latest on the missing child case in new hampshire. and we'll see you back here tomorrow. >> dicky: up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live." harrison for. >> jimmy: i was having homo erotic thoughts throughout the film. >> i'm sorry. >> jimmy: and lady gaga. are those feathers -- >> if i get drunk and step on it, it will say caca. we were born this way! >> jimmy: i think with all the lady gaga stuff going on back stage, i think lysol knows a real clean isn't just something you see... ... it's something you smell. new lysol no mess automatic toilet bowl cleaner not only cleans your toilet with every flush, but also freshens your entire bathroom. so even in between deep cleans,

it's as fresh as any room in your home. for tips on a healthy home, visit lysol.com/missionforhealth.

>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel, along with guillermo, getting our tickets for "rise of the planet of the apes" at the movie's official site, apeswillrise.com. >> the movie opens next friday. that means we are only eight days away. >> jimmy: very good guillermo. and in the meantime, to tide you over, let's see if you're in ape shape. go to itunes and search apes to download the addictive app for free. you put your brains and speed up against apes. it's based on a study that showed apes could complete a numerical recognition test more quickly than college students. you know thoseollege students, right guillermo? you want to go a round against me? >> let's play! >> jimmy: you're already plpling. let's start over. >> jimmy, i'm afraid.

>> jimmy: what are you afraid of? >> the apes are smarter than we. the apes are going to rise. they are going to eat us. >> jimmy: they're going to eat us? no, they're not going to eat us. they only eat fruit. they'll probably just eat you. >> why not you. >> jimmy: well, because i have just hired a new security guard. you didn't know about this? >> no. >> jimmy: oh, yes. >> is he mexican, too? >> jimmy: well, no. he actually isn't. his name is guiller-monkey. >> oh, no. >> jimmy: oh, yes. >> rated pg-13. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with harrison ford and a hollywood block party with lady gaga. we'll never stop sharing our memories,

or getting lost in a good book. we'll always cook dinner, and cheer for our favorite team. we'll still go to meetings, make home movies, and learn new things. but how we do all this, will never be the same. young boy: my polo's lookin' older girl: gfly!y uniform on. young girl: we're all dressed for show and tell. mom: and it's only july! kids: july?! anncr: who's ready for school? old navy khakis from $12 dollars, polos from $5.50. vo: get a free ice tray.lege. or -- buy a pc for college.

get a free xbox 360®. get yours at windows.com/freexbox. buy a bean bag for college. get beans. or -- buy a pc for college. get an xbox 360®. get yours at windows.com/freexbox. while supplies last. [ male announcer ] if it's true that sharks can sense even a drop of blood froroa quarter of a mile away, which razor would you use? ♪ ♪ ♪

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- harrison ford. and lady gaga. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, if there are no onon objections, here's jimm kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. hi, everyone. it's very nice. thank you, i appreciate. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for pretending you care about me so you can see lady gaga. lady gaga is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] i want to -- i don't want to spoil the surprise, but i took a

peak backstage to see what she's wearing. she's wearing maybe the most shocking outfit yet. she's wearing a sensible pantsuit from talbots. truthfully i don't know what she's wearing but i did notice all the post-it notes in my office are miss, so who knows. this is lady gaga's second appearance on a show. in 2008, she was known as lady gaganopolous. i suggested she change it, and she did. and also tonight, from "cowboys and aliens," the great harrison ford. [ applause ] and i think that -- i think with all the lady gaga stuff going on back stage, harrison thinks he's back in the "star wars" can tina. we got so many ticket requests for the show, we closed the street behind our theater down.

we're surrounded by little monstete, or limos, for short. some people were camped out overnight. it's fun with people who are excited. i thought it would be fun to talk to the fans to find out what's going on out there. some people have been waiting for a long time. look at that. that is unbelievable. let's talk to -- guillermo's out there right now. guillermo? can you hear me? >> yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: do you speak english? >> yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: what's your name? >> austin. >> jimmy: what's on your neck? >> a bow tie. hello kitty. >> jimmy: you got that tattooed onto your neck? >> yeah, i stole it. >> jimmy: you stole it? >> don't tell her. >> jimmy: what's her -- >> it's gaga kitty. >> jimmy: wow. you are -- you've got completely gaga, haven't you? >> yeah, or hello kitty, so. >> jimmy: who do you like better? >> gaga for sure. >> jimmy: but if hello kitty was

here, you might have a different story? >> no, they might have a fight. >> jimmy: are you aware that hello kitty is fictional? >> a cartoon. not fix ctional. >> jimmy: i got it. >> my name is lady. >> jimmy: lady? hi, lacy. your hair looks like clishs cotton candy. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i mean, really. if i was at a baseball game, i would probably start eating it. >> all's all my real hair, too. >> jimmy: real hair? what about that on your shoulders. is that your real hair? and who is there with you, lacy? >> this is my mom. >> jimmy: that's your mom? a mother and daughter outing. how about that? and mom, you've -- how long have you been out there waiting? >> about five hours. >> jimmy: five hours. you both love lady gaga or are you just taking lacy? >> no, we both like her. >> jimmy: and who else do we have, guillermo?

oh -- wait a minute. >> carlos. >> jimmy: can we have this man ejected? clearly he's in the wrong place. carlos, what are you doing there? >> i brought my daughter lauren and her friend. >> jimmy: i got you. shouldn't be dye your hair or something? >> darker would be nice. >> jimmy: set one yof your eyebrows on fire. >> that's cool. >> jimmy: great. we're glad to have you guys here. lady gaga, as her friends now, does not lend her name to products in general but when she does, you know it's something she believes in. i saw this commercial today for a new line of clothing that it looks like it's going to be a big hit. >> with five grammys, 25 million albums sold and record-breaking music videos, she's one of the best-receiving artists of all time. and now, lady gaga brings her celebrated gift of fashion to the littlest of monsters.

gaga goo goo. lady gaga baby wear. ♪ my momma told me ♪ when i was young ♪ we're all superstars >> gaga goo goo! >> gaga goo goo! >> we were born this way! ♪ baby i was born this way >> and coming soon, my new platforms. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we had a real commotion here last night. there was aocumentary about an electronic music festival premiering across the street. a dj tweeted that he was going to do a free show here and suddenly hundreds of people showed up. the riot police came in. but -- ravers refused to leave. they had to arrest a bunch of people. a statue of marylyn monroe from

the wax museum was attacked. imagine if this crowd wasn't on ecstasy. i mean, this could have been -- the police were like, move along, there's nothing to rub up against here, it's -- [ laughter ] i really don't even know why they had to come in. there are three batmen. a superman and like six guys dressed as spider-man outtthere. you think they'd have it covered. it got a little -- [ applause ] got a little rough. police fired nonlethal bean backs into the crowd after it refused to disperse. which resulted in several minor injuries and a dozen games of ha hackey sack. i like the term nonlethal. there are lethal bean bags? if people are being killed by bean bags in the united states? if the bean backs didn't work, the officers are authorized to escalate to marshmallow peeps. please, everyone, tonight,t,e careful.

here is somebody else who had a weird run-in with the authorities last night. this happened at a minor league baseball game in wisconsin. the madison mallards were hosting the battle creek bombers. and a man in a green body suit just jumped onto the field and started running around. >> on the field! what's going on? also celebrating birthdays tonight -- also celebrating birthdays tonight, valeria is 12. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and saved by the yellow man.

[ applause ] where did he come from? it's nice to see spandex people of color working together, isn't it? [ laughter ] by the way what kind of security guards wear green polo shirts? look like he's being chased by a bunch of baggers from whole foods. a strange thing happeped to alex trebek yesterday. he was asleep in a hotel room in san francisco when a woman allegedly snuck into his hotel room and burglarized him. >> i woke up and saw a figure in our hotel bedroom and i thought i was dreaming and i opened the door and looked out and i saw a woman walking away. and i realized immediately that someone had been in the room and i put on my underwear and ran down the hall to see if i could find her. >> jimmy: all right, so he -- we have confirmation that alex trebek sleeps in the nude. i'll take "things i wish i never

heard" for 800? and by the way, can you imagine this woman running down the hall? she turns around and alex trebek is chasing her in his underpants? it's like a bad dream, right? he chased her, he got hurt chasing her. he suffered a torn achilles heel and dislocated mustache, i think, but -- you know, usually it's bob barker chasing women around in a hotel in his underpants. nice to see a different game show host for a change. police released a mug shot of the suspect today, which -- i think we have the -- i think we might have gotten those mixed up. i certainly hope we did. this is pretty funny. this is from "entertainment tonight." we have a visitor -- oh, never mind. correspondent samantha harris terviewed cee-lo green in what we call the speed round. they ask a celebrity random questions. i don't know if they pretend they're asking the questions live, but the result was, one of the more uncomfortable moments

i've ever seen on television. >> all right, cee-lo, favorite movie? >> "forest gump." >> that's a good one. favorite tv show? >> my favorite tv show is "martin." >> right. oh, damn, gina! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, white people, will we never learn? and one more thing. it's thursday night, time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it's "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> i told leaders of both parties that they must come up with a fair compromise in the next few days that can pass both houses of congress. and, a [ bleep ] that i can [ bleep ]. >> there have been incidents of some people around here [ bleep ] the wild animals. so they hope the message is clear. do not [ bleep ] coyotes. >> you know what, [ bleep ] deadline, it is one week away now. >> i am so excited to show him

the card and i hope that ben will show me how he [ bleep ]. >> i had a poster of david like this. look at the hair on his blaep blooep. >> woke up with loments of fog this morning. >> yeah, we're going to do it again. take a look at this [ bleep ]. >> do you think mr. obama really wants to [ bleep ] this [ bleep ]? >> i think we would like a big [ bleep ]. >> we're going to blep blooep the homeless. >> thoseabies are so gorgeous. >> thank you. >> they are right backstage. i swear. ananwe all took turns [ bleep ] them. >> representing anderson, south carolina, i am jordan nolan. >> jordan's motto is, you can never have too much of a good thing. >> i did everything the company asked me. i did all these embarrassing things. i mean, god, i even put this man's [ bleep ] in my mouth.

>> jimmy: we have a great show for you tonight. lady gaga is here. and we'll be right back with harrison ford. i like things stacked. [ male announcer ] applebee's knows what the neighborhood likes. we like things stuffed. [ all ] topped! [ male announcer ] so we're serving up stacked, stuffed and topped entrees! like the amazing new chicken parmesan stack stuffed with italian cheeses and topped with spicy marinara for only $9.99. there's also provolone stuffed meatballs, new florentine topped house sirloin and more. stacked, stuffed and topped! i like things smooshed. we'll work on that. [ male a aouncer ] only at applebee's. open 'til midnight or later.

say i'm missing england. i type in e-n-g... and he gives me a variety of options. would you like to have a look at a map, my lad? ah, why not? shall we check on the ststus of your knighthood? yes. again? yes, again, please! thank you. with my digital manservant, i'll never be homesick again. would you like me to put the kettle on, sir? no, i'd like youou to get rid of that ostrich. it's been here a month. [ male announcer ] think, type, go. with just type. only on the new hp touchpad with webos. [ male announcer ] think, type, go. with just type. uh oh. i gotta go. [ female announcer ] and with charmin ultra soft, you can get that same cushiony feeling while still using less. s design is soft and more absorbent. so you can use four times less versus the leading value brand. ah. [ female announcer ] charmin ultra soft. was that cinnamon you put in the dessert? yeah. little dash of nutmeg too. wonderful spice... nutmeg is. as spices go, i find nutmeg to be underutilized.

mmm, nutmeg. [ female announcer ] k-y brand intense. with just a few drops, this unique, scientifically proven formrma increases a woman's sensitivity making her big moment feel even bigger. learn more at intenseeffect.com. vo: come to best buy.ook, feel even bigger. where an expert will find the perfect phone for you. like the at&t htc status. it let's you post instantly to facebook with a push of a button. and it's free! with no mail in rebates. of course, just because you can share on a whim, doesn't mean you should. the at&t htc status. free, with no mail in rebates. at best buy.

c [ female announcer r real fruit... means real fruit smoothies from mccafé. real delicious and made just for you. ♪ real delicious and made just for you. get 5% cash back when you use chase freedom for gas. don't miss out. activate your 5% today. go to chase.com/freedom.

come in for a great time at olive garden. for just $10.95 enjoy our new pancetta and parmesan-filled with pan-seared chicken. or with sauteed shrimp for $12.95. at olive garden.

take toast... spread with i can't believe it's not butter... add jacques. he's french. oui! mmmm...oui like! [ male announcer ] now four out of five butter lovers agree that i can't believe it's not butter tastes as good as fresh butter with 70% less saturated fat and 30% fewer calories than butter. now you can have it all. [ male announcer ] i can't believe it's not butter.

of a subway® bbq pulled pork sub. brace yourself for nowthe big, bold tastel. tender, succulent slow-cooked pork with sweet and smoky barbecue sauce, all on freshly baked bread. subway. eat fresh®.

a man can only try... and try...and try. i heard eating wle grain oats can help lower my cholesterol. it's gonna be tough...so tough. my wife and i want to lowe our cholesterol, but finding healthy food that tastes good is torturous. your father is suffering. [ male announc ] honey nut cheerios tastes great and can help lower cholesterol. >> jimmy: well, you can see there's a lot of excitement here. thank yoyofor watching. here tonight, to chat and share music, from this multiplatinum selling album, lady gaga. the album is called "born this way."

she'll be here from the bud light outdoor stage. we shut down the whole block behind our theater for lady gaga tonight. and we set all the cars people left behind on fire. next week on the show, james franco, jeremy piven, howie mandel, hank azaria, jim sturgess, denise richards, "the bachelorette" ashley, and her mate -- whoever he may be. if she chooses anyone. and we'll have stand up comedy from todd glass, and music from gavin degraw and cold play. that's right, coldplay -- we have a big deal planned for them too. without our first guest tonight, there w wld probably be no america. he is one of the biggest movie stars ever. on friday, you can see him saddle up alongside daniel craig in the new movie "cowboys and aliens." please say hello to harrison ford. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: how are you? they're a little excited tonight. >> thank you. >> jimmy: good to see you. >> very nice of you to say that. about america. >> jimmy: it's true. it really is. i was on vacation two weeks ago and i decided to go to jackson, wyoming where i know you have a place. and a friend of mine who is in show business, said, hey, you should call harrison ford. and i thought, well -- why? because i thought maybe he knew something that, like, you'd requested my presence. i said, why would i do that? and he said, i don't know, thought maybe he'd like to see you. and i thought, no, i don't think he would like to see me. [ laughter ] but then knowing you were coming on tonight, i thought, what would have happened if i called and bothered you, said, i'm coming up to jackson, let's get together. >> let's see. hello? sorry, who is this?

>> jimmy: conan. [ laughter ] >> conan who? >> jimmy: no, it's jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy! hi, how you are? >> jimmy: doing well, thanks. i'm coming up to jackson. >> ah -- i'm sorry, who are you calling? >> jimmy: that's kind of what i figured without happen, yeah. so i'm glad i didn't. >> i go there to get a ay -- >> jimmy: from me. >> from hollywood. >> jimmy: i got you. >> don't take it personally. >> jimmy: while i was there, i kept very busy. i don't feel bad about showing this. i was fly fishing and i caught a beautiful fish. that's right. >> wow. >> jimmy: what do you think of that? >> i don't believe it. [ laughter ] that's what i think. another one where it tried to escape me while i was taking the picture. >> really? so you -- you must -- the

river's still muddy. you were lucky. >> jimmy: very good. very talented. gifted. oh, yeah. [ laughter ] >> great. >> jimmy: i'm now imagining you and how bothersome everyone must be to you all the time because you've been in so many great movies -- >> no. >> jimmy: yes. i know you can't say it. people must drive you insane and that's why i can't imagine you going to comic con, where it would be the baby jesus going to the vatican. [ laughter ] >> but getting a really good seat. >> jimmy: yeah, really, really good. >> quick audience. >> jimmy: you went in real quick and got out real quick? because they tear you apart. >> you know what it is? those are the people t tt we work for. actually. >> jimmy: yes. >> those are the people that support my luxurious lifestyle.

>> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and have taken care of me for all these years and i'm very grateful for their kind attention and their patronage and i'm looking forward to kind of working for them again. >> jimmy: right. >> so i'm delighted to be there. i'm delighted to be there. >> jimmy: okay. >> i don't want to spend too much time sitting in bars and, you know, just chatting up strangers. >> jimmy: i got you. >> but i'm there to work and it doesn't bother me at all. i like it. >immy: did you sit and watch the film with them? >> i sure did. first time i saw it with all of the effects finally finished and with the music. and it was -- it was very gratifying. >> jimmy: it came out really good. >> it did. >> jimmy: had you done a western before? >> yes. yes. i'm sorry, did you -- >> jimmy: i didn't -- [ applause ] >> i did one other jewish

western with -- >> jimmy: gene wilder. >> there you go. gene wilder, called "the frisco kid." it was a long time ago. i've been looking for a western. i love making them and i love the form. but they went a bit out of favor. >> jimmy: what did you thi when you got a script called "cowboys and aliens?" >> i said to my agent, i want to do the k kds of films that people actually went to. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's weird. >> and he said, i got one of those, i'm sending it over. i said great. and i got it. and it's "cowboys and aliens." and without knowing thehe tone the piece, it could be anything. and the character, i thought, was interesting and i went and talked to jon and i saw some of his graphic materials and talked

to him about the -- about what his sense of what this was going to be like was -- >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> well constructed. yeah. and i was really intrigued by it. >> jimmy: i have to say, indiana jones and james bond shooting together is really all you could ask for. movie, true?our own hat for the >> no, no, no. i had -- i had the help of 17 producers. >> jimmy: did you really? >> yeah. each of them voting anonymously. >> jimmy: and did you -- >> too tall. too wide. did i listen? >> jimmy: yeah? >> no. >> jimmy: if you wanted to wear a beer helmet on the set, do you think you would have been able to push that through? >> no, no. but i wanted to make sure i had the biggest hat. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yes. >> jimmy: yours just slightly

bigger than daniel craig's? >> a lot bigger. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's one of the perks, i guess. >> but daniel had the form-fitting chaps. >> jimmy: yes, he did. >> yes. which nicely framed his posterior. >> jimmy: it did. i was having homoerotic thoughts throughout the film. >> i'm sorry. [ laughter ] he's recently married. >> jimmy: he was here and he said that he threw parties for the cast and the crew and that you came and you were sitting in the corner grumpy and quiet throughout the party. is that true? >> well, how do you feel about an endless loop of the sound track from "grease?" >> jimmy: what? [ laughter ] not very good. really?

[ applause ] >> after a few tequilas i got over my disdain for the music and warmed to it. but they were pretty good parties. i left about, when they started breaking up furniture for the fireplace. >> jimmy: your son is an accl m acclaimed chef. he has a great restaurant. >> ford's filling station. >immy: you can get a whole pig there. that's the sort of thing i go for. do you go and do you eat there? is it a place that you go regularly? >> i do. >> jimmy: does he get nervous? oh, it's dad, i'll make him whatever i feel like making him? >> no. i get whatever -- >> jimmy: you get whatever you order. >> yeah, whatever is not going bad in the kitchen. >> jimmy: i got you. >> and i pay full price. >> jimmy: yeah, sure. >> and tip. very well. >> jimmy: one of your other sons is a musician, i know. and people have been telling me

about him what's the name of his bad? >> it's called the dough rollers. >> jimmy: food is a big thing in your family. >> yeah. >> jimmy: he opened for dylan on his u.s. tour, his first -- >> jimmy: which dylan? bob? >> yeah. bob. >> jimmy: the good one. >> mr. dylan. >> jimmy: we have a clip here from the movie. we might need you to set it up. >> okay. there's been an alien invasion of our town. i'm a big cattle baron in town, the richest man in town, biggest hat. [ laughter ] and they have kidnapped some of our relatives and got away. this is immediately following the attack on our town. >> jimmy: here we go. the movie is called "cowboys and aliens." it opens tomorrow. >> i don't know what it is but it's bleeding.

>> same direction the machines went with our kin. goi not going to be able to track it in the dark. >> round up the horses, get some supplies. we'll set off first light. >> you. you're going with us. i need that weapon. it's the only thing that counts. i figure you owe me. >> i don't see it that way. >> jimmy: there you go. harrison ford in "cowboys and aliens." it opens friday. thank you for being here. >> pleasure. >> jimmy: lady gaga when we come back. we'll be right back. it was created with the power of verizon 4g lte.

introducing the lightning-fast, 10-inch samsung galaxy tab. stay up to date, entertain yourself, and enrich your knowledge like you've never imagined. only at verizon. built so you can rule the air.

can't wait 'til mororng. wait, it's morning in the himalayas... [ male announcer ] it's sweet. it's nutty. it's absolutely delicious. kellogg's crunchy nut. it's morning somewhere.

kego back to schoolut. with geek squad. so you can do things like... ... carry fewer books... ... become master of the study group... take notes... while conserving energy... ... and stream important research material. make school easier with geek squad support 24/7. online, on the phone or in-store. geek squad from best buy.

before you say anything, it was 1995. [ kenny ] it was '93. kenny, 1995 was the year the song came out. it was '93. that was your 5th year of high school. it was 1995. ha! 10 bucks says it's '93. yeah,h, well that's 10 bucks you're gonna have to put in my pocket. whatever. "whoomp! there it is" was '93.3. it was clearly nineteen ninety... kenny, the restaurant's on fire. i'll call you back. wait, wait... [ male announcer ] only at&t's network lets your iphone talk and surf at the same time. [ bell dings ] [ female announcer ] real fruit... means real fruit smoothies from mccafé. real delicious and made just for you. ♪

women are loving! covergirl natureluxe silk foundation. it covers flawlessly with a touch women can't get enough of. smooth, silky, love it!!! natureluxe silk foundation from easy breezy beautiful, covergirl. and not because silverado's the most dependable, longest-lasting full-size truck on the road or because heavy duty made motor trend's 2011 truck of the year. no, it was good because you told us so. consider this a thank-you. the chevy model year wrap up. get in on our greatest model year yet. right now, combine the all-star edition discount with other offers for a total value of $6,000. our greatest model year yet is wrapping up.

the new blackberry playbook. it runs all this at the same time. why can't every tablet do that?

>> jimmy: well, hello. we are back. our next guest made her late night television debut right here on our show in 2008 and despite that has become a bona fide music superstar. her latete cd is called "born this way." please welcome five-time grammy winner lady gaga.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> doing well. >> jimmy: that is something. [ cheers and applause ] i just realized that your -- are those feathers that saga ga on them? >> just in case you forget my name. >> jimmy: from the back they say agag. >> if i get drunk and step on it it will say caca. >> jimmy: those are great. who comes up with this? do you think of these things? >> this is a phillip tracy hat. he just -- i stole the idea. >> jimmy: you have to put a lot of thought into what you wear because you just can't wear anything. >> sometimes.

sometimes i don't -- you know, when you're in bed you just, you know, pretty simple what guys want, right? >> jimmy: nothing. >> sometimes you put some thought, sometimes you put no thought. >> jimmy: and what becomes of the costumes? do you take care of them afterwards? are they sent to africa to be worn by villagers there? >> not that i'm aware of. hi to the band. >> jimmy: there you go. [ applause ] >> sorry. i always want to say hello because i was always in the band. >> jimmy: it's a mutual respect type of thing and they appreciate it. it wakes them up out of their half-stoned haze. >> are you stoned? that's very nice of you. >> jimmy: you have to go around and ask them individually. so, you got -- so, do they go in a museum? is there a big storage unit? >> i have an archive. >> jimmy: do you have a curator? >> well, we had to cure the meat dress. >> jimmy: uh-huh. okay. it got a disease? >> no, you don't know how --

aren't you italian? >> jimmy: i am. i know about curing meat. for god sake, i'm half salami. >> what do you think happens to prosciutto? >> jimmy: i fried some last night. >> italians don't do that. >> jimmy: this one did and put it on a little -- >> oh, oh. >> jimmy: do you cook? >> i cook a lot. >> jimmy: what is your specialty? >> i'm really great at making a, like, traditional fennel red gravy. >> jimmy: nice. new york, brooklyn, we call it gra gravy. people get confused by that. you make it for the whole >> i make it for the producers on the road. they followed me on the tour bus, we built a studio bus with all of our equipment so i could record. >> jimmy: you record on the bus? [ applause ] and -- do you record while the bus is moving or does it have to

come to a stop? >> ah, well sometimes they don't want to and, gaga, we can't get, the frequency is weird and sounding a little bit strange and i'm like, if you don't get this right now i swear i'm going to -- i get mad. >> jimmy: do you have a kitchen on the bus you cook? >> there's no kitchen on the bus but we'll stop in certain places and by then we probably had at least a couple of bottles of jamison to drink and i start chain smoking and making pasta for everyone. >> jimmy: nice. >> good brooklyn italian girl. >> jimmy: that's right. you get a little extra spice when the cigarette butt falls into the sauce, right? >> yeah. it's pepper. >> jimmy: very nice. you -- [ applause ] you ever -- do you ever drive the bus? i know you're on tour all the time. >> i don't have a license because i'm from new york. obviously. but i -- i had a learner's permit for awhile.

and i went driving when i was in los angeles in bel airecause i thought nobody would notice and it was the day after my first grammy performance with elton so my hair wawa kind of gray. >> jimmy: with elton john? >> yeah. i'm sorr so, i just remember, i was driving and i was so excited because i ran away from my security guards and i went to this strip mall in bel air, i thought, no one saw me and then my manager call med the next day and he was like, you had a fabulous performance at the grammys and then you're driving a plateless car with no license looking like a grandma. i was so -- i'm like, it's amazing! it's so fabulous. was not happy. >> jimmy: he was not amused? >> very angry. >> jimmy: got to be a little weird, because you're this big star and you, all these people work for yo but still, you've got people that say, you can't do this, youan't do that. and you kind of have to listen tohem, right? >> well, i think perhaps the reason we're all here is because

i'm not very good at listening, am i? >> jimmy: yeah, maybe so. [ applause ] you are nominated, your hbo special, nominated for five emmy awards. will go you? >> yes. is that the award music? >> jimmy: and get ready, because also, you are nominated for the bowling hall of fame, i've heard. that's got to be even more -- are you a bowler? >> um -- i am a good bowl er pre-budweiser. >> jimmy: i see. >> yh. and then once the beers start loading up, i become worse and worse, which is really great for whoever is taking me out on a date. i'm a good, cheap date and terrible bower. >> jimmy: do you rent the shoes? >> absolutely not. >> jimmy: you do not? >> no. >> jimmy: for hygiene or style

reasons? well, what if my fans walk into the bowling alley and saw me in flats? i think they'd have a heart attack. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you really do have to be careful. do you want to have kids one day? >> do i want to have kids? some day. long, long day from now. >> jimmy: what if one of your children grew up to be not gay. would you still love that child? >> no. >> jimmy: you would not? [ applause ] i have to say -- >> i actually don't even like you because you're not. >> jimmy: well, you're not alone. [ laughter ] we've got the -- we got the album right here and just about everyone in america has it but just on the offchance that you don't, it's called "born this way." it available now. what songs are you going to do for us? >> i'm going to sing my brand new single "you and i." [ applause ]

and i'm also going to sing my single that's been out for a bit which is called "the edge of glory," which -- [ applause ] the amazing clarence clemmons played sax on the song and god bless him, he's not here, but i'm going to dance to the moon for him tonight. >> jimmy: that's great. lady gaga is here. we'll right back.

[ male announcer ] nature is unique... ...authentic... ...pure... and also delicious. ♪ like nature valley. granola bars made with crunchy oats and pure honey. because natural is not only good, it also tastes good. nature valley -- 100% natural. 100% delicious.

[ horn honks ] ♪ this is how we do it [ both ] uncle teddy! what are you guys doing? it's summer! let's hit the beach! [ both ] mom? you need a pepsi! [ growls ] ooh! [ grunts ] [ uncle teddy ] whoo! all right! summer time is pepsi time!

>> jimmy: this is her newest album. it's called "born this way." here with the song "you and i," lady gaga. [ cheers and applause ] >> let's give a good show tonight. hands up, okay? ♪

♪ it's been a long time since i came around ♪ ♪ been a long time but i'm back in town ♪ ♪ this time ♪ i'm not leaving withoututou all l ght, hands up! ♪ you taste like whiskey when you kiss me all ♪ ♪ yeah ♪ this time i'm not leaving without you ♪ ♪ say stand back d dn where you belong ♪ ♪ in the corner of my bar with your high heels on ♪ ♪ sit back down on the couch ♪ and baby said to me ♪ some day ♪ something about this place

♪ with lipstick on your face ♪ something about her ♪ yeah something about baby ♪ you and i okay hands u u ♪ it's been two years since i let you go ♪ ♪ could have listened to a joke or go rock and roll ♪ ♪ and muscle cars drove a truck right through my heart ♪ ♪ on my birthday you sang me a heart of gold ♪ ♪ and no one knows ♪ this time i'm not leaving without you ♪ ♪ oh oh oh ♪ sit back down where you belong ♪

♪ come to the bar with your heils on ♪ ♪ sit back down on the couch where we ♪ ♪ some day ♪ something about this place ♪ something ♪ something about lonely nights and my lipstick on your face ♪ ♪ something about my cool guy ♪ ♪ yeah something about ♪ jimmy kimmel you and i come on! ♪ you and i ♪ you and i ♪ baby ♪ you and i ♪ you and i ♪ i ♪ you and i

♪ you you and i ♪ hollywood ♪ you and i ♪ just you and i ♪ ♪ we don't have a lot of money but we still pay rent ♪ ♪ you can't buy a house ♪ there's only three men circle in my whole life ♪ ♪ it's the guy in nebraska and jesus christ ♪ ♪ something something about the chase ♪ sing it! ♪ something about lonely nights and lipstick all over your face ♪ ♪ something something about my

cool nebraska guy ♪ ♪ for america ♪ for america ♪ oh yeah come on! ♪ you and i ♪ you you and i ♪ you and i ♪ just you and i ♪ ♪ it's been a long time since i came around ♪ ♪ been a long time but i'm back in town ♪ ♪ this time i'm not leaving without you ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmyi